Rating Guide

I’ve developed a rating system that I’ll be using as I share my movie reviews with you and here’s a quick guide of what the rating numbers mean:

10 – Perfect. This movie is absolutely flawless and should be watched by everyone, everywhere, all the time. Although the rating exists, I have never seen a movie that fits the bill.

9 – Excellent. An excellent movie has only minor flaws, usually simply momentary lapses in character, small amounts of out-of-place dialogue, etc.

8 – Great. A Great movie has perhaps a bigger flaw, or a larger amount of small ones. Great movies are the cutoff for a movie that everyone should see (preferably in theaters).

7 – Good. This movie has the potential to be Great or better, but due to some serious issue is unable to make the leap.

6 – Average. An Average movie has positive aspects that total to a sum greater than its negative aspects. Much like a Good movie, an Average movie is worth seeing in a budget theater or second run.

5 – Problematic. This is the “Tremendous Upside Potential” of movies. It has all kinds of promise, often is a stepping stone or an early effort to showcase the talent of an actor or director, but as a whole this movie doesn’t quite make the cut.

4 – Poor. A Poor movie is the polar opposite of the Average movie. Its negative parts easily outweigh the positive and the viewer has to start rationalizing the fact that he or she watched it. Much like the Problematic movie, a Poor movie should – at best – be an On Demand choice.

3 – Bad. Bad movies are self-explanatory. They usually have an associated trope (remakes, reboots, re-anythings) and often are the victim of their directors and producers moreso than their actors. (I’m looking at you, Uwe Boll.)

2 – Awful. Everyone knows when they’ve watched an awful movie. Signs include (but are not limited to): the immediate need to make jokes about the mental faculties of all parties involved, conscious avoidance of future movies that share an actor/director with the Awful one you’re just watched, wondering aloud “People got paid to make that? And I paid to see it?”, and increased general skepticism about humanity. Both Bad and Awful movies can be justifiably watched…if you’re streaming them from Netflix.

1 – The Garbagest. This particular term was coined by a patron after sitting through Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li. A movie that is The Garbagest shares many traits with an Awful movie, but fails to deliver even one iota of support as to why the movie was allowed not only to be made, but to be distributed to a mass viewing audience rather than burned. People often leave a movie that was The Garbagest confused, dizzy, and in various other states of mental unrest. A common phrase uttered after viewing movie that was The Garbagest is, “I saw that for free and I want my money back.”